F**kity f**kity f**k!!!!!

I thought better of posting yesterday. I saved that mad rant for my forum buddies. Sorry girls!

Well , I believe that knowledge is power, but sometimes a little information can be a dangerous thing. Yesterday it turned me into a shaking, on-the-verge-of-tears wreck.

In addition to my medical history I recalled the fact that I was exposed to the organochlorine chemical Aldrin when I was 16 and our house was treated for termites. At the same time I was in the UK having my first dose of IMMUNO-SUPPRESSANTS!

You do a search for Aldrin and infertility and see what horrors you come up with...

Immunosuppression, strong evidence that exposure in utero can cause irreversible damage to reproductive, neurological and immune systems. Adolescents at puberty are especially vulnerable (hello!) as it disrupts the endocrine system. Leads to impaired immune function (Hi!), infertility and endometriosis (Hi!), recurrent miscarriage (one's enough for me thanks), retardation of fetal growth, birth defects, increased infant mortality, depression (Hi!), anxiety (Hi there), auto-immune diseases (hello!)

I sat there reading a chronicle of my health problems on page after page, on the verge of tears, and can only come to two conclusions

1. The organochlorine fucked up my immune system
2. My immune system being fucked up means I'm infertile.

It makes me feel absolutely sick.

So I point this all out to my gp, who pretty much glossed over my concerns but at least she asked me what I wanted to do about it. I asked for a referral to the Reproductive Immunologist who was recommended to me. I managed to get an appointment with him for the 28th of this month.

We ALSO have an appointment at Repromed (big infertility clinic) on July 5. We shall compare the two and see who we think will give us the best care.

I refuse to go back on the Clomid. The nurse I spoke to at Repromed said that the tests I had done back in February were done on the wrong day so they are useless from a diagnosis and treatment perspective. Oh. Great. So I've been given treatment based on incorrect information. Just bloody wonderful. How fucking old do I have to be before the medicos start to think that maybe they should stop wasting my bloody time???????

Pissed off to the max x 10-to-the-minus-1-plus-infinity.

I have everything crossed that the RI will get things rolling the way they should have been from the start.

Otherwise, I will not be held responsible for my actions. Well, not legally anyway.