Saturday, January 14, 2012

This Time Fer Shure

And now for the newest poison on the block, Lamotrigine.

An anti-epileptic, known overseas (and sporadically known here) for its kickass ability to knock the crap out of Bipolar Depression. Not known at all by my gp and she is letting me try it at my extreme insistence. 

Also known for its ability to give users The Rash, aka Stevens-Johnson Syndrome, which leaves the skin as if it had been badly burned, and it can be fatal. So we have to titrate veerrryyy slooowwwllly.

What this means is that the former anti-psychotic Zyprexa is no longer in my system and I am now on such a piddling dose of Lamotrigine that it couldn't cheer up a dung beetle in a pile of dung.

I feel like whale shit at the bottom of the ocean. I am walking through molasses. I hate everything. I don't want to be around anyone. Bed is nice. The drug has buggered my sleep pattern so I am awake at night and exhausted all day. I consider what it would be like it I weren't around anymore,  The whole being trapped fiasco is making the suicidal ideation recur. I see no point to anything.

How long am i supposed to just live with this? Slow titration is one thing, but living with The Awful Blackness as a consequence just ain't right. Should I be sucking this up and riding it out or admitting myself to hospital for some additional medicinals to keep me on the living side of this hell?

My brain is so adrift I cant answer that question.


  1. The fact you can write that wonderful post is a good thing. I could only grunt from the couch when they were putting me on it. I know the pain of waiting for the meds to kick in. It's the worst. Take it hour by hour if you have to.
    Who the fuck is Stevens-Johnson? I blame them for this LOL and that stupid rash.
    That aside, Lamictal saved my life. It was a wonder drug for me. Hope it is for you. Really hope it is for you.

  2. Just wanted to add how did your GP not know about this drug??? Good on you for advocating for yourself.

  3. Your GP is a noob! As far as I know Lamotrigene is taken in combination with other drugs, not on its own. Are you seeing a psychiatrist, or a GP? I wonder whether a short stay in hospital would help to sort out the meds, if it is at all possible? I've upped my dose of Lamotrigene, all by myself, to get the anxiety under control and it seems to be working. It's the depression that I can't find a drug for. I've decided to see a psychiatrist to try and get this under control.

    I'm sorry this is happening. Keep writing if you can. The darkness must pass sooner or later... It just must!

  4. Cant get in to see a psychiatrist until end of February! I've been on so many other meds that just dont work for me that I wouldnt have a clue what to use Lamotrogine with. Doesnt seem like there is much left I could try.

  5. Zyprexa is evil. I put on 2.6kg in 4 days on that sucker. I hope that this new med starts to work for you soon.

  6. Same, Teegs. It was a steady 2kg a week for me.

  7. Oh, Sharon. If you are feeling suicidal, perhaps the hospital is the right place for them to try to sort your meds. Sending you love, as that's all I can do even if it's ineffectual.


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