Tomorrow I see my gp to tell her I Say NO to Lithium.
I have only become able to write now through taking a Lorazepam about an hour ago. Prior to that, I was (literally) catatonic much of the day, unable to move or communicate, with strange thoughts like just getting in the car and driving off, taking all the kids' money out of the bank, and not coming back. Ever. (Slight problem: I cant drive.) I dont want to see people, I dont want to talk to people. Especially my kids. Their incessant noise makes me want to scream and kill kittens.
I cant live like this. I have no idea what is going on. Reaction to Lithium? Has it tipped me over into some strange Bipolar 2 mixed state? Am I NOT Bipolar at all and Lithium is making me crazy?
This drug-induced nightmare, whatever its genesis, has got to end. I was supposed to see my GP next Monday anyway, but the way I have been feeling I cant be sure I would be around by then. Life was a lot easier when I was drinking all the time. How is this better? How can these effects of medication be better than being mellow on wine?
Fuck. I have felt shit since I stopped drinking and now its worse instead of better. Did I kill the baby jesus in my past life?
Has anyone else ever experienced horrendous side effects from the meds that were supposed to keep them safe and sane?
Oh my darling, I am not a fan of the meds they put you on as you know... anyone on i mean. Stories of my cousin in and out of Glenside was a testament to that. They would just put her in to mix a new batch that would keep her sane.
ReplyDeleteKnow that I love you loads and am sending my energy your way. I will be back in December and at your beck and call.
xx
Hi. I don't know you well, and am going to go back and read some history as I'm so new to your blog.
ReplyDeleteI had assumed as you were on Lithium, that you had BP. I have it, but they chose against lithium for me and tried Zyprexa and a new antidepressant (which I'm told now is contraindicated, so go figure). I couldn't function at all under Zyprexa. I had the strangest muscle spasms where I would have uncontrollable arm flapping and the only thing that stopped it (or at least settled it a little so I stopped punching my husband in my sleep)was diazepam.
Between the valium and zyprexa I was a zombie. could not stay awake and when I was, I was practically catatonic. In the end stopped taking the Zyprexa.
I hope you get a solution soon. It's the most awful of feelings.
Ok. Sorry. Have gone back and read a bit. I see you have BP2 like me. I can't help you on the Lithium, as I've not taken it. But I've had 2 friends with BP (not 2) that were both on LIthium and they both struggled greatly to settle into it.
ReplyDeleteKeep in close touch with your psychs. Be monitored very, very closely. Write it down if you can, in case you can't articulate it when you need to. It's all stuff they need to know to help make decisions about how to progress.
Oh honey, I'm sure the Verve weren't writing about you specifically but hell, music is for our own interpretation. I'm so sorry to hear that the meds aren't helping and you've been so unwell from them. I wish I could help. I think of you often. I SO hope the GP is able to help more and they find something to help. Hugs and cyber support from me to you! xxx
ReplyDeleteHave a listen to Ben Harper's version - it is haunting.
ReplyDeleteHaha, sure, I need to be more haunted right now. When my head is fixed I'll give it a listed, until then, NUP!
ReplyDeleteI've been on a myriad of medications. Most of which didn't work or had horrible side effects. Seroquel made me want to eat the whole pantry and go back for seconds....as did zyprexa (I put on 2kg in 5 days on zyprexa).
ReplyDeleteKaren who I am living with says lithium is very very strong med that will eventually level out, but it's important that they get the dosage right for you and to not give up on it. But be very clear about symptoms and side effects, and you don't really want to take yourself suddenly off of it if you can avoid it. Karen said it took her 4 months for the dosage to be right for her, but you need a very active participating doctor to work with you on it, and it will do way more for you than what a bottle of wine will do.
ReplyDeleteWe love you. xx
Haven't heard from you in a while...hope that you are doing ok after your doctors appointment.
ReplyDeleteThat is not good about the medicine but I am sure everything will be alright. Just stay positive and try not to rely on those things, you have powers in yourself that you don't even know about!
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ReplyDeleteHey, hope everything is going OK, or even better, hope it is going well.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to an update when you are ready...
all I can say is you know your body.
ReplyDeleteI am struggling with something similar right now so I get it.
But not Lithium. xx
You are absolutely right. Have faith!
ReplyDeleteDream
I am kind of afraid of medicines, especially of those you may get addicted to, but sometimes we just can not avoid using them.
ReplyDeleteYou just need to find the right balance for your body - if Lithium doesn't agree I'm sure there is something else better suited for you. By the way, you are hilarious. Hilarious I tell you xx
ReplyDeleteWhy are you taking this medicine? In my opinion your doctor should replace it with something that you accept better!
ReplyDeletei wanted to let you know that I find your openness and sincerity extraordinary. You are amazing!
ReplyDeleteMy current song is Blackbird by the Beatles.
ReplyDelete"Take these broken wings and learn to fly" is a beautiful line.
I am Globally Grateful Come Join me, Won't You?