Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Mission: Be Like Bree

So after one night of controlled crying (which involved more crying by the adults in the house than by the Spud and we vowed NEVER to do that again) we seem to have broken his spirit trained him to sleep fluked a freakin' miracle and he slept all night in his cot. Let me repeat that:

Slept. All. Night. In. His. Cot.

Reeling from too much sleep and not enough delerium (or perhaps just the right amount) I realised that I need to work harder at getting the relationship with Monkey Boy back on track.

Here's the best advice I could find on the matter:

from Housekeeping Monthly, 1955, The Good Wife's Guide

  • Have dinner ready. Plan ahead even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time, for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good mean (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
  • Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch-up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
  • Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and on of your duties is to provide it.
  • Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
  • Over the cooler months of the year, you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind my. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
  • Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s’ hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
  • Be happy to see him.
  • Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first. Remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
  • Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
  • Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have I lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
  • Arrange his pillow or offer to take his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
  • Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
  • A good wife always knows her place.

See, that's my problem right there. I'm not gay enough.

13 comments:

  1. "Remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours."

    Yep, I am definitely not gay enough!

    Thanks for this poignant post. When my husband returns from working out of town this week I will have dinner on the table, a gay smile on my face, interesting things to say, but only after he has talked, the house will be spotless and Lily and I will be dressed in our Sunday best. I can't wait!

    And congratulations Spudly! It's hard work and incredibly stressful, but in the end, sleep is the best damn thing in the world!

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  2. What I do is spend the day thinking about "it" and working myself up so that even if I feel too tired for "it" I've, you know, set my expectations for it.

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  3. noassmomma3:40 am

    I just knew you could'nt leave that alone!

    Hugs & Kisses

    Momma

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  4. I've seen those household hints many times before. Apart from the obvious clangers, the phrase that always gets me is "Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order". Personally my home is a shack of laughter, clutter, dirty dishes, too many DVDs, and good lovin'. I get the feeling my hubby prefers that to "rest and order".

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  5. "You have no right to question him." GAAAACK

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  6. nutty mummy6:35 am

    Oh. My. God. How. HOW did women live through this?

    Anyway - the controlled crying thing. Could I offer my two pennies? Keep going if you think you can stomach it. It's dead hard when you feel like you're being cruel (I cried loads when I did it) but if you think you wanna carry on - you will prb get results.

    Anyway - I'm just off to warm Big's slippers before he gets back and plaster on my gay smile ;)

    not.

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  7. "I'm not gay enough"!!! It's hysterical!

    Elf slept through then night, la la la la la! Well done!

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  8. Yeah...that list always entertains me.

    As for controlled crying, we (read, I) are attempting to do this since P. has no interest in sleeping in her cot for naps, nor falling asleep there at night. I can put her in the cot after she's asleep at night and she'll sleep there for the duration, we just can't get her to sleep there.

    I've actually just spent the past 45 minutes to get her to nap in her cot, and after much crying and gnashing of gums, it worked. We'll see how long that lasts.

    Oh, and remember: he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.

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  9. :) congrats on Spudly's latest development dude. :)

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  10. I think most men would be happy to come home and find their wife being gay, especially with a young blond with a couple of large assets.

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  11. Ha!

    enough said.

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  12. I think most men would be happy to come home and find their wife being gay, especially with a young blond with a couple of large assets.

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  13. "You have no right to question him." GAAAACK

    ReplyDelete

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