Friday, December 15, 2006

The Bitch Is Back

Seems to me that it pretty much sucks to be a girl.

Not only do I have to endure 3 days of labour to have a 9 pound person pulled out of my clacker, but the promised "cure" that having said experience was supposed to provide for my menstrual disorders does indeed seem to have been a load of baloney.

And as we all know, the only reason I had the Spud was to control my endometriosis.

And now... now, despite still breastfeeding (oh, another myth exposed!) my girlie troubles, my monthy friend, my Aunt Flo, the Crimson Bitch (yes, thats the one) has made a torrential return, announcing its arrival with explodey ovary sensations and leading one to consider (after 36 hours) that perhaps things arent going as well as they should. The good people at Tampax love me, I'm sure, since I have had cause to use every single one of their products in existence in the last two days.

Things were going SO not as well as they should that a brief chat with some weirdo Canadadian stalker yelled at me that convinced me I should perhaps be having a chat to the kind folks at my nearest ER.

Yesterday all three of us spent our morning in the ER while I was jabbed, poked, prodded, drugged and bleeding. The outcome? Unpregnant, unanaemic. Most likely a fibroid, see your doctor for an ultrasound. Go home, you're not dying.

So I went home and discovered three messages on my phone from aforementioned stalker and her sidekick and now the kind folks at the hospital think I have a sister in Canada and I'm kinda worried that I'm gonna end up with a horses head in my bed.

But you know, yay, because I've so missed regular wandings.

8 comments:

  1. Anonymous11:46 am

    Panda,
    I am so sorry about the explosion of the Crimson Wave you're riding, but the writing style in this post is just effing brilliant.

    OTJ

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous12:33 pm

    I have endometriosis too Panda. It is just a relief to be pregnant and not experience the monthly promise of killer-periods. I cringe at your news of the return of the explosive crimson bitch.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous11:04 pm

    Damn...after arriving ;ast month, my period has failed to arrive this month and I am NOT pregnnat. Just ahsn't come. I fear a complete meltdown of my rerproductive system.

    ReplyDelete
  4. We LOVE you, you dumbass.
    But really, I couldn't be paired up with a better stalker.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh, suuuuurrre...

    Like I haven't been called enough nasty names this week!

    hrmph. some thanks for making sure you didn't BLEED to death.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I suck WAY worse than you. I'm having my second period since having Tyler, and he's only 11 weeks old. My CHN told me that I must be "extreeeemly fertile" to be getting my period again so soon what with breastfeeding an all.....I don't think I've laughed so hard in my life.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous11:42 pm

    Oh your luck never stops does it. You were almost bleeding to death and I was enjoying London blissfully unaware, what a horrible thought.

    Maybe it will sort itself out. Yes, yes, maybe it will. very likely *nods wisely* Well, there IS a small chance it will so am hopeful for now. But sucks, poor bloody you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous2:43 am

    Damn...after arriving ;ast month, my period has failed to arrive this month and I am NOT pregnnat. Just ahsn't come. I fear a complete meltdown of my rerproductive system.

    ReplyDelete

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