Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Family Update

Lets start with the crappier family update story, so we can finish on a high note. How's that sound?

Went to see my olds yesterday. I walked into the house and it absolutely REEKED of urine. My dad reeks of urine. His bedroom reeks of urine. His clothes were filthy. WHATTHEFUCK???

Can my mother not smell this because she lives with it or is it yet another case of "Oh, I cant deal with this so I'll ignore it?"

I didnt talk to mum about it yesterday because I didnt want to embarass dad. Much easier to do on the phone, because then he's not hanging around trying to listen to what's being said. Dad's specialist appointment is not for another 4 weeks. I'm thinking that if things have progressed to the point of obvious incontinence issues that maybe staying in his home is no longer an option.

His condition continues to deteriorate, despite the medication. It would not surprise me at all if he is continuing to have minor strokes. I left the room for ten minutes yesterday to go to the shops and when I got back he didnt remember that I'd been there at all.

I really dont know what to do. Phone calls need to be made. Advice needs to be sought. I need to find some way of not stressing radically over fixing this.

Now on to the happy family matter:

Monkey Boy has been estranged from his parents for just over two years. They didnt come to our wedding. There was a huge falling out when we started planning our wedding, which appeared to come out of the blue when we changed our plans and they were "not approved of" by the old folks. Hurtful things were said. Monkey Boy threw some poo-covered bananas. I felt like I wasnt a welcome addition to the family and it was all my fault.

In hindsight, these things never come out of the blue, and it actually had nothing to do with me. It had nothing to do with the wedding. It had a lot to do with the expectations they had of Monkey Boy, and those Monkey Boy had of his parents. They were each expecting the other to behave in ways that were unrealistic. He couldnt see who they were, and they couldnt see who he was. (It probably didnt help that his mother was going through menopause at the time.) So Monkey decided that for his own sanity he couldnt deal with them. He had to break ties in order to break the really negative patterns that had been present his whole life.

Best thing he ever did. Monkey Boy figured out who he was, and that he wasnt responsible for everyone else's happiness, and that it was okay to do what you wanted to do and that wasnt letting anyone else down. He got his shit together. He started living HIS life, not what someone else thought should be his life.

Then, unexpectedly, a few weeks ago, his father rang. They agreed to meet up for lunch to talk stuff over. Monkey Boy told him about Spudly. His father told his mother about Spudly. His mother immediately rang home and was incredibly happy for us. They decided to put the past behind them and make a clean start.

They do actually seem to have changed. They both seem much calmer than they were when I met them 3 years ago. They seem much more accepting of me, and of who their son is. I'm not sure what has brought this about: whether its the honeymoon phase of having their only son back in their lives, whether its the space apart to reflect upon the things that happened, whether its HRT, whether its the promise of the first grandchild. I dont know.

I am just very relieved that this background stress is no longer hovering around us, that at a time when I feel like I'm losing my family Monkey Boy has regained his, and that there can be at least one set of grandparents for Spudly to grow up knowing.


  1. I am so sorry abt your father, and hope you can find a way to get im the help he needs without letting the sadness and well, your mother, overwhelm you.

    The news abt Monkey Boy's parents is excellent, we all need functioning families, we all could use a buffering social network from within.

  2. Oh, sweety... I'm so so sorry about your family situation... it's absolutely heart-wrenching to watch anyone's age cause them to deteriorate... but when it's a parent... gosh.... the impact is exponential. Have you since spoken with your mother? Or does that only add to the stress of things right now... and your brother? Or should I even ask...

    And to answer your question... Ebony is slowly slowly recovering... although her tolerance for impertinent kittens is at an all time low.

  3. You poor thing... I can only imagine how your parents' situation is making you feel. What a huge load to have to deal with. Hope you manage in a way that doesn't rob you of every last ounce of strength.

    Good for family saga #2.

  4. So sad to hear that your dad is getting worse. It is so difficult to watch this happen. I know exactly how you feel as my folks are getting incapable of caring for themselves as well. One day at at time... you will find a way because you care so much. Will be thinking of you and hoping the answers become clear soon.

    Yah for Monkey Boy and the reuniting family. Hope it continues to be good with them.

  5. Hi!
    I think we've bumped into one another before, but I just wanted to tell you that you and I are just about the same way into this fantastic and scary journey... 17 1/2 weeks.

    I'm due March 25th... and you?
    I'm so jealous of your flutters and your rounded tummy... both of these things are not pronounced enough for my liking just yet.

    I'll be checking in on you!

  6. cherice2:24 pm

    Oh Panda, that sounds so terrible for your father and yourself. I hope that the phone calls you make find the right people to help him and you.

    Yay that one family situation has been resolved. That must be a HUGE load off. Even when you don't see family I think it can be just as stressful as if you do see one that's not too happy.


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