We Reproductively Challenged Bitches must have some sense of what it must be like to be a war veteran. I think that now I finally understand why it is so hard for those men to come home and rejoin regular society. They just dont fit in anymore. They're experiences have been so utterly life-changing and so out of the realm of ordinary experience that no-one who hasnt been there can possibly relate to them. So they cant relate to "regular" people (or, "regular" people cant relate to them), and they dont want to keep in contact with their war mates because its too painful and brings back to many memories. What do they do? To whom can they turn for kinship? My guess is that there are precious few places they can turn.
This is kind of how I feel too. I've changed so much over the last two years that I dont fit into my "regular" group of friends anymore. I dont feel exactly like I fit in with women who are still in the trenches of infertility treatments. I dont feel comfortable in labelling myself "just another pregnant woman", because I'm not. I'm a pregnant infertile who is totally paranoid its all going to come crashing down in a big pile of bloody grossness at any minute. And that's a fairly select group with which to find a Local Chapter and have Coffee Mornings.
This sounds a bit like a "nobody loves me, everybody hates me" whinge. I know that's not true. There ARE people who love me. There are people who get what I'm going through (though they all exist in my computer). But my circle of comfort and belonging has changed, and I dont have anywhere - apart from with Monkey Boy - that feels like home now.
Its probably a transitory phase, and probably not helped by the increased hormones. I definately feel like I'm entering the "emotional and weepy" part of the proceedings. My therapist would tell me this is not at all surprising given what huge changes I've undergone and that it will feel strange and uncomfortable for a while.
But goddamn it, I hate strange and uncomfortable! I want warm and fuzzy and everybody loves me.
I want to not have been at the front line.