Wednesday, May 18, 2005

This is a mugs' game

BFN from this morning's test at 3:44am! I think I may have got my dates wrong and its possible I'm not due for AF until tomorrow, so there's even more waiting for me! Still getting mild cramping though and no boobs so i'm doubting very much anything's gonna change in that department. Several people have commented on only being on Clomid for 3 or 4 cycles and then looking at other options, and about taking emotional wellbeing into consideration when deciding how long to wait etc. Now I dont feel so bad/wussy about saying to my gynie that I cant handle 6 months of this.

Monkey Boy keps commenting that this will help me learn some patience. Bah humbug to that. There are better ways to learn some patience. I'm more worried about going back into the full-blown panic attack cycle I was having after the m/c. Bugger the patience! God men can be insensitive. I try to keep an open mind and think that well they cand understand what its like for us coz they dont have all the hormonal changes and its not happening to their bodies, but, for crying out loud, they could try a bit of empathy now and then. Its not really that hard to put yourself in someone else's position, is it?

LATER: I really need an informed opinion (okay, wild guesses will do). I did the HPT at 4am this morning. Threw it in the bin in disgust at a BFN. Looked at it again as I was on the loo just now at 12.30 and its almost invisible, but where the positive line should be there is definately the feintest of feint am-I-making-this-up line. Its like a ghost-line. Seriously, I'm wondering if its possible to make myself see a line thats not really there. P.S. My cat Muffin steadfastly refuses to comment on the possibility of it being a line. I think she's high-tailed it to the neighbours to get away from the crazy woman. Hmph.

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