Or the last 10 years, which is how long I have now owned my house that still doesn't have a decent kitchen. Or the last 20, which is how long I have been dealing with a debilitating medical condition that may now turn out to have been something else all along.
In the intervening time, the year, the 10 years, 20 years, nothing has gone the way I thought it would. When I was 21 I certainly never imagined myself in this place. A year ago I didn't imagine myself in this place. A year ago I hoped desperately things would be different, that with love and hope and good intentions they would be fixed. To all intents and purposes they are not.
I have a couple of new friends, some new social outlets, have re-engaged with my love of sewing, have found that my daugher loves me fiercely and I her, and that I will do anything - absolutely anything - for my kids.
The thing I wanted most to change hasn't, and I'm not really sure where the hell I can go from here. I am in quicksand, and I'm sinking.
Nothing goes the way we expect. If we're lucky, they go the way the hope.
ReplyDeleteI read a year or two ago that karmically we have the opportunity to choose our life's paths before we get here. I wonder what so many of us had to have done in a previous life in order to want to choose to go through such heinous things. I know that I'm going to probably end up choosing some shit next time around to atone for what I've done this time (before I read that). That is, if that's even the case.
Pay now or pay later, I guess. Just hang in there. If you feel that you're sinking, hold on to us. At the worst, we'll all go down together.
eve
Hi,
ReplyDeleteThis is Vicky Silvers, I am an editor for Hospital.com. We are a medical publication whose focus is geared towards promoting awareness on hospitals, including information, news, and reviews on them. We would like to have our site included within your blog and offer our information to your readers, of course we would be more than happy to list your website within our directory as well.
vicky silvers
vicky.silvers@gmail.com
www.Hospital.com
Thanks for sharing this one.
ReplyDeleteI am So. Happy. To. Find. You. Or you found me! Via LinkedIn, no less. So so so interested in where you are, what you need, how we can be reconnected to the nth degree. You and House of Miao were my saviors and I miss you both terribly. Yay for social media connecting!
ReplyDeleteGreat blog!
ReplyDeleteI am happy to see this kind of blog. Congratulations.
ReplyDeleteI am happy to see a blog like this. It is very interesting. Keep it up! Nice Articles.
ReplyDeletegurgle gurlge schlurp... it's that huckabees quote all over again... "the universe is an infinite sphere, the centre is everywhere, the circumpherence is nowhere..." - and so we create, learn, search, feel pain, anguish and sometimes joy... and don't throw ourselves off 100 year old fire escapes! (hehe - unless mine falls down in East Van, not likely.) xo
ReplyDeletegurgle gurlge schlurp... it's that huckabees quote all over again... "the universe is an infinite sphere, the centre is everywhere, the circumpherence is nowhere..." - and so we create, learn, search, feel pain, anguish and sometimes joy... and don't throw ourselves off 100 year old fire escapes! (hehe - unless mine falls down in East Van, not likely.) xo
ReplyDeleteGreat blog!
ReplyDeleteI am So. Happy. To. Find. You. Or you found me! Via LinkedIn, no less. So so so interested in where you are, what you need, how we can be reconnected to the nth degree. You and House of Miao were my saviors and I miss you both terribly. Yay for social media connecting!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this one.
ReplyDelete