Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Runny Icecream Brain

There I was, feeling quite content with motherhood, when I foolishly opened the program for our capital's Festival of Ideas.

Fabulous stuff. Interesting topics being discussed that one can sit in on and feel all intellectual and suchlike.

Of course, I made the mistake of reading the blurbs of the people who would be presiding at said conference of incredible intelligent peoples.

I ended up drooling over the CVs of all these fabulously intelligent women my age who have done what I planned to do once I finished my degree. Now I wander around going "Yes honey, duck" all bloody day while they're off being Chair of XYZ Fabulously Intelligent Committee and saving people from human rights injustices.

Its not that I think raising the Spudly One is less important than saving the world from human rights abuses, or writing amazingly successful books about god-knows-what-amazing-thing-that might-change-the-face-of-the-planet but...BUT...

Once, I had an idea that I might make a difference. That I might actually have the nous to figure out something that no-one else had figured out before, and that it would actually have some sort of impact on society. Once, I had the idea that I would do something Important. Something that would have people In The Know go "Wow. We never thought about it like that before. She's totally right."

But instead, I am naming all objects in sight and wondering when my son will twig than not everything he sees is a duck, and wondering if there is any prospect of me regaining the brain that I worked so very hard to get to Distinction standard.

Once, I had the crazy idea of being the head of the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission, Keepin' It Real for the regular Bruce on the street. Now, Keepin' It Real extends as far as the ingredients in whatever happens to be served for Breakfast/Lunch/Dinner/Snack.

Its not that I dont want to be teaching another human being about the world, sharing my knowledge with someone so small and impressionable, raising the next generation, blah blah blah. Its just that...I miss the intellectual pursuits. The selfishness that comes with that. Being able to spend hour upon hour in the library reading Plato and Kant and Dawkins and Singer and Mill and Rawls.* Having the time and the space to think about their arguments and formulate my own and think about how great society could be, if only...

Instead, I find myself creating a better society one day at a time, one word at a time, one tantrum at a time. Is this the more rewarding way? Is this the way to a better society? I know I have written about this before and argued that it is, but right now...right now I miss the cerebralnesnes (shut UP), I crave the ethereal and I would do almost anything to avoid the mundane.

There must be a balance here somewhere.

Oh please tell me there is a balance here somewhere. I really dont want to end up with an IQ of a toddler.


*Slaps self in head for longing to be back in the library for hour upon hour.

33 comments:

  1. you neglected to explain or give due credit for the expression "runny icecream brain". I am somewhat miffed.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The best advice I ever received on this subject was to "live in your season." Meaning, you are in the season of motherhood now, but there will be time later when you can be in the season of your own professional contributions. There will always be time to work.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great post Panda and not at all runny icecream brained.
    I agree with oh, the joys above...it will come. And how do we know that you are not grooming the future Australian Prime Minister and teaching him the difference between his duck and his truck?
    That's what I tell myself, anyway.
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is exactly why I am going to Grad school in the Fall. Because I'm insane need more to do... and uh... need that balance.

    You will not have the IQ of a toddler. Your toddler will have an exceptionally higher IQ due to your influence.

    This is what I tell myself to remain sane.

    ReplyDelete
  5. yoo fucking hooo over here.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Frank says you can write well.

    I say you just WAIT til i get back. We will think of something wonderful to do together.

    maybe my brain will stop being like icecream too! sticky and runny.
    but hang on, isnt that how your brain is supposed to be. EWW!
    xJ

    ReplyDelete
  7. hey WHERE IS MY BIRTHDAY STORY WITH AT LEAST ONE PIRATE IN IT?! HUH?! HUH?!
    WENCH!!
    xJ

    ReplyDelete
  8. hey - is everything ok? Haven't heard from you in awhile!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Pandas Suck! Where are the pandas! Where is the pandamonium?

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  10. Hey Panda

    Just wanted to leave a note and say hi and hope all going well in your world.

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hey, how are you going?

    - Sassy

    alittlesass at gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  12. Panda, you twat, enough of the disappearing act!!! At least mail me some pics of the House Elf. STAT.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Rainbowchylde5:04 pm

    I too miss you!

    Hope to see you soon.

    ReplyDelete
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  15. Anonymous11:21 pm

    It has been a year, I hope all is well.

    Best wishes to you and your Family. :)

    Felicity.

    eq_starielle@yahoo.com.au

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  16. where did you go? I check here often... hoping for a sign of life...

    Hope all is well.

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    x

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  30. Hey Panda

    Just wanted to leave a note and say hi and hope all going well in your world.

    xx

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  31. Pandas Suck! Where are the pandas! Where is the pandamonium?

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  32. hey WHERE IS MY BIRTHDAY STORY WITH AT LEAST ONE PIRATE IN IT?! HUH?! HUH?!
    WENCH!!
    xJ

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