Friday, November 17, 2006

In Which She Realises Her Life Is Coming Precariously Close To Being Described As A Trainwreck

Right, so back to the story....

Mum and dad both in hospital. Dad is doing as well as you could expect for someone with severe dementia, incontinence, lack of proper nutrition and a possible cancerous growth under his eye that wasnt there three months ago. He is very confused, doesnt know he's in hospital when he's talking to me and is so thin...SO thin... Mum...well they are testing her for all sorts of stuff. He electrolyte levels and blood chemistry were so screwed up it was life threatening. In fact she probably would have been dead within 24 hours if she hadnt been brought in when she was. Her legs are being treated with IV antibiotics and bandaging, her hip (from 16 months ago) is fractured (THANK.YOU!) and her knee is dislocated or possibly there is a torn ligament, they havent even looked further than "its not broken" at this stage. Today or Monday she will be given a CT scan to check for evidence of a stroke. She will have a dementia screen, be assessed by an Occupational Therapist, be given physiotherapy and (on my request) will be given a psych assessment. And then...then...if she has what they call Testimentary Capacity, which is the ability to make a decision EVEN IF ITS ONE THAT PUTS HERSELF OR OTHERS IN DANGER she is allowed to go home. Do I even need to comment on how I feel about this? Thought not.

This week has been hell.

This has not been helped at all by the following:

After running around like a headless chook and making numerous phone calls and having meetings with the appropriate doctors and social worker etc so that I actually know what is going on and have alerted the staff to the history, I get a text message from brother: "Mum very upset about U (his emphasis) putting her in a home. We should work towards getting them both home."

This particular message had Monkey Boy on the phone to the Fucktard letting him know exactly how insulted I was about this (since I'd never said a word to mum about this, and its up to the doctors anyway, apparently) and trying to make him aware of exaclty how bad the situation is. MB got exactly nowhere. HE thinks he can stick his oar in from 3000km away when he's seen them twice in the last 12 months and takes what mum says as the foundation upon which to base his assessment of their needs. Well you know what? If he thinks he knows whats best for them then let him deal with the ramifications of that.

Last night I had to take some things to mum from their house. It was 7.45pm. We'd been out all day. Spudly was tired, hungry, and in the car in the parking lot. With Monkey Boy of course. I was trying to get away as fast as possible but at 8.20pm when mum was still blathering about CRAP I said several times that I really.had.to.go.because.there.will.be.a.screaming.hungry.baby.in.the.car...well what else would one respond to that other than "forget about the baby, there are other things to think about besides the baby. It wont hurt him to let him scream."?

Did we get that folks?

Ignore the needs of your child and pay attention to me.

Umm..well...no, actually. You can go fuck yourself.

And this...this is after she has repeatedly told anyone who will listen that she didnt call me to ask for help because she didnt want to bother me when I had the baby to look after.

I dont know why that comment came like such a kick in the guts, but it absolutely floored me. Not helped, of course, by the line "now you have two children to look after" as I left.

Well, that's where you're wrong, mother dear. I have one child to look after, who is the most important thing in the world. There is NOTHING more important than him. HE is my child, he is my responsibility. You...you are a grown woman who has chosen to not be responsible for her own life anymore. You are not my child to look after, and I will not put my family through any of your bullshit just because you have decided to behave like a child.

Fucktardus Siblingii will be coming here at the beginning of December, at which point there will be a "Family Conference" with the entire medical team and mum and dad. Oh joy. A family conference. Duck and cover; this will be nasty.

11 comments:

  1. Gotta love a mother who acts like a total bitch even when close to death. Your mother is giving me some insight as to the hideousness of my mother when she gets older. And I'm frightened.

    ReplyDelete
  2. seepi4:04 pm

    Sounds like your brother gets his denial skills from your Mum.

    Rest up as much as you can, and with luck the doctors can run the 'family conference' so you don't have to try to convince anyone of the obvious truths.

    Family. Nuff said.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your mum and my mum should really be put in a ring together. Maybe they would off each other and we could be rid of them in one fell swoop.

    Hang in there, I'm rooting for you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous4:23 am

    What always amaes me is how sane you are, how healthy. It'd be so easy to allow yourself to be bullied by your mother simply bcs she is that, your mother. Well, you truly only have ONE child, and if someone should adopt your mother it's certainly not you but your amazing brother. He knows best, let him know and do it all, must you be at the family conference at all? Save yourself, if you can. Stay with your real family. While we're at it, must you talk to your brother at all? Couldn't you just email? Then ate least you wouldn't hear him.

    I'm sorry but it sounds as you were adopted, you cannot be genetically related to all those not-good, insane persons.

    ReplyDelete
  5. sheesh! yes you're right, sounds like my nan.
    i think your brother should definatel take the responsibility on this one. i mean what the fuck has he done for them lately anyway. perhaps when he sees the state of them he will have some kind of (born again?!) revelation.
    and why the fuck isn't he there already? CBF!
    xJ

    ReplyDelete
  6. jesus god panda this is a nightmare. Your brother is an idiot.try not to let this shit impact too much on your life and your family (ie you, MB and Spudly). I'm hoping that having some professional caring type involved will actuallly show some professional caring and shed light on the situation for your brother and co.

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  7. SEEEE!!! Even Lioness says the exact same thing I said to you...
    this does NOT have to be your obligation. Let Fucktard deal with it since he knows best.

    ReplyDelete
  8. My mother-in-law is exactly the same. Baby Eggs will be screaming and we say "we've got to go..." she completely ignores it and keeps talking. Hope you get a break soon.

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  9. God bless you, girl - you're going through absolute HELL. Although, I have to say that you are handling everything quite appropriately. Never doubt for a second that you are doing the right thing.

    Big hugs from America...

    ReplyDelete
  10. seepi2:41 am

    Sounds like your brother gets his denial skills from your Mum.

    Rest up as much as you can, and with luck the doctors can run the 'family conference' so you don't have to try to convince anyone of the obvious truths.

    Family. Nuff said.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Gotta love a mother who acts like a total bitch even when close to death. Your mother is giving me some insight as to the hideousness of my mother when she gets older. And I'm frightened.

    ReplyDelete

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