I made myself an appointment with the Mental Health Midwife last week, certain that I was in fact the only woman on the planet experiencing life with a newborn. Yesterday was time to go and spill my guts on what life with a 4kg spud is like, and why I feel like a failure.
In addition to telling me to stop being so damn hard on myself and start treating myself the same way I would a friend who was going through all this, my midwife has given me some homework. I have to make a list of all the things I'd like to do with an hour to myself per day. A whole HOUR! Just for me. With no baby and no husband to get in my face. Woohoo!
So what do I want to do with that hour?
- Shower. A long one. Long enough to shave my legs, coz the Amazon called and they want their forest back.
- Lie in my hammock in the sunbeams (if we ever get any again) and read a frivolous book or crap mag.
- Lie in hammock and drink wine or somesuch.
- Go for a walk somewhere picturesque.
- Mess around with my collection of shells and beads and make some perdy things.
- Mess around with my photography.
- Sort out my wardrobe into "can wear now" "can wear later" and "get over it, you'll never be a size 10 again" piles.
- Then realise I dont have a thing to wear and go op-shopping for divine new yummy-mummy attire.
- Ring people. On the phone. And talk to them. Actual people. That I actually like.
- Potter in the garden. Though at the moment this would entail a flame-thrower to find said garden and then a slasher to make it accessible enough to potter within.
- Make yummy baked goods like a 50s Domestic Goddess.
The bosomry issues continue. I gave up on the Fenugreek because it gave me nosebleeds. I tried the anti-nausea drug Maxolon, which has the side-effect of increasing milk supply. I gave up on that when it made me so tired I could barely sit up. In addition, it gave me...umm...digestive issues. After a week I think it started to work, but I literally didnt have the energy to feed, which kinda defeats the purpose. Yesterday I was given a script for Domperidone, another drug like Maxolon. I wonder what the side effects of this one will be?
So far, I've been giving Spudly 60ml (2oz-ish for those of you living in the time of Charlemagne) of formula after each breastfeed, and I've been trying to space the feeding to three-hourly. Its working more or less. What is DEFINATELY working is the formula. We have a different baby. He's chilled. Totally chilled. Falls asleep after feeds. Might wake up again but doesnt scream. Instead, he smiles and coos and gurgles and is divine. And he still sleeps 6-8 hours at night.
However much I wish I could provide him with everything he needs myself, you cant argue with a contented baby. Well you can, but then you'll just upset him and he'll vomit on you.
Spudly has started to discover his hands. He clasps them together in front of his face and stares intently at them, moving them around and quite clearly trying to figure out what they're supposed to do. He's also started mimicing our facial expressions, and talking to us. He actually said "coo" the other day!
He's a freaking genius!