Tuesday, July 19, 2005

I Am Pathetic

No, really, I am.

87% abnormal morphology, rejected for IUI, told IVF is the only way...and yet I still poke my boobs and ask Monkey Boy if they're bigger, get a little excited about the fact that they are, and are sore too, and get a little antsy about the fact that the Crimson Bitch is now late. Why? Why do I do this to myself????

I am not pregnant. I am not going to be pregnant without a serious amount of help. Why am I still analysing every.single.twinge????

Why am I disappointed the second it feels like the cramping is starting, then have hope creep back in when it stops?

I need new parameters within which to function, and I dont have them. I dont know what they are or how to find them. Alls I know is that if I keep functioning in the old TTC paradigm I will go insane. We're not TTC. We're waiting for the technology train to leave the station.

We are not trying to conceive. We are not trying to conceive.

Sing it with me kids.

8 comments:

  1. Is it sad that our obsessive similarities make me feel better????

    What can I say darlin'... other than... this Canadiadian understands exactly what you're saying...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Panda - I too know exactly what you are saying. The other day my GP asked me when my last period was and when I told her she suggested to me to do a HPT test. I just looked at her baffled..there is now way I could be pregnant either. Her reply was "You never know". Needless to say I didn't test as I just knew it would be negative.
    I don't think that we can help it but pook our (.)(.) Just is case you know?
    Mari

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's hard to switch mindsets like that. Even after we found out that my husband has a zero sperm count, it was hard for me to get my mind away from sex=TTC thinking. It does eventually happen, though.

    ReplyDelete
  4. cherice3:30 pm

    Panda. Your actions are mine! I used to do the same thing with my boobs to dh. I don't know why but I was obssessed with how much they would grow or not. How damn annoying that they grow just before af!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. The old paradigm is for sure insanity-inducing. Singing along with ya.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Is it sad that our obsessive similarities make me feel better????

    What can I say darlin'... other than... this Canadiadian understands exactly what you're saying...

    ReplyDelete

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