Friday, December 29, 2006
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Lala: will do
luv u longtime
me: luv u longtime one dollar
Lala: cheap whore
for you twenty dollar
you too spensive for me
someday you big spender, you afford me
me: you classy lady, i make money, i come back for you
Lala: I not wait, but if you lucky, I brush my teeth that day
me: okay okay, i come back soon, dont forget me preese
Lala: i don't forget you, happy christmas wench
me: messy kwesnus, slapper
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Off to the in-laws for their Griswald version of Kweznuz (which we do not celebrate, but have it forced upon us nonetheless) so things will just have to be unkempt until I get back.
In the meantime, some cuteness for you all and whatever it is that you do at this time of year, I hope it brings you joy.
From us lot to you lot, Messy Kweznuz.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Apparently the New! Improved! Blogger is now out of Beta, so I suppose I will join the other
Bear with me.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Apart from that whole miscarriage-endo-pco-ugly-sperm-miracle-natural-conception-thing, which YOU may have forgotten but I havent, why do we need another? We havent even broken this one yet.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Not only do I have to endure 3 days of labour to have a 9 pound person pulled out of my clacker, but the promised "cure" that having said experience was supposed to provide for my menstrual disorders does indeed seem to have been a load of baloney.
And as we all know, the only reason I had the Spud was to control my endometriosis.
And now... now, despite still breastfeeding (oh, another myth exposed!) my girlie troubles, my monthy friend, my Aunt Flo, the Crimson Bitch (yes, thats the one) has made a torrential return, announcing its arrival with explodey ovary sensations and leading one to consider (after 36 hours) that perhaps things arent going as well as they should. The good people at Tampax love me, I'm sure, since I have had cause to use every single one of their products in existence in the last two days.
Things were going SO not as well as they should that a brief chat with some weirdo Canadadian stalker
Yesterday all three of us spent our morning in the ER while I was jabbed, poked, prodded, drugged and bleeding. The outcome? Unpregnant, unanaemic. Most likely a fibroid, see your doctor for an ultrasound. Go home, you're not dying.
So I went home and discovered three messages on my phone from aforementioned stalker and her sidekick and now the kind folks at the hospital think I have a sister in Canada and I'm kinda worried that I'm gonna end up with a horses head in my bed.
But you know, yay, because I've so missed regular wandings.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
In our last episode we had left our heroine bemoaning the fact that The Brother can’t take a hint even when it’s spelled out in interpretive dance. Since then, our heroine wrote her mother a very long (4 pages, single spaced, 12 pt font) letter explaining in great detail why this situation was a complete clusterfuck, why she no longer wished to acknowledge her brothers existence and why she would not be partaking further in the family’s game of “why Panda is a total fuckup and we’re all saints and do what I say or I’ll scream.”
In today’s episode we discover that The Powers That Be, when apprised of the facts of the situation and having to deal with The Mother themselves (“having difficulties with her being rather…um…assertive”), are quite capable of coming to the same conclusions that our heroine has been banging on about for the last 18 months. As amazing as it may seem to our regular viewers, Someone Else has finally recognized that a woman who has almost killed herself and her husband from neglect should not be allowed to go home and continue to be the carer of said husband. The Powers That Be conclude that the best place for The Father With Alzheimer’s is in permanent nursing care, and that the best place for The Mother With Fucking Selfish Bitch Disease is either at home on her own with extensive support or in assisted living with The Father. The Powers That Be will under no circumstances allow them to leave the nursing home and enter an situation which is unsafe.
The episode closes with our heroine feeling rather smug and flicking the bird towards The Brother.
Cue swelling triumphant music.
Monday, December 04, 2006
- In Chinese, the sound 'Spudly' means 'bite the wax tadpole'!
- The porpoise is second to Spudly as the most intelligent animal on the planet.
- Spudly is incapable of sleep!
- Only 55 percent of Americans know that the sun is made of Spudly.
- By tradition, a girl standing under Spudly cannot refuse to be kissed by anyone who claims the privilege!
- Julius Caesar wore a laurel wreath to cover up Spudly.
- Wearing headphones for an hour will increase the amount of Spudly in your ear 700 times.
- If you break Spudly, you will get seven years of bad luck!
- The state nickname of Iowa is 'The Spudly state'.
- A bride should wear something old, something new, something borrowed, and Spudly.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
But I kinda think its good manners that, if you like what you read so much that you spend 6 hours a day over several days going through my entire archives, you drop me an email and say "hey, cool blog" or "hey, I've really enjoyed reading your story" or even "hey, you're a total trainwreck, its been real."
So would the person from or near Rhodes NSW who uses uu.net as their ISP please just say hi. And please dont turn out to be my goddamn brother.